Well, it`s the last of my full days at Taga. I was sad last Wednesday when I made my speech to the teachers in the morning. There will be things I miss about this work. The people and the friendly atmosphere. Everyone working together. Although plenty I won`t miss but I don`t want to think about negatives now because I`m just happy.
My ending here has been good. I feel that I have made enough time for everything and everyone I want to. I have visited everywhere that I wanted to visit. I have said goodbye to all of my schools well. I have (and will say goodbye to all my friends well), I`ve made and given and bought meaningful presents for everyone. So I have no regrets I think.
One thing I have been very touched by is the fact that two of my non-base schools have given me enkais – very enjoyable evenings. Aswell as my being paid for (and enkais are expensive) I was given lovely gifts and flowers as appreciation. I have a feeling that it is not usual to have enkais with non-base schools like this especially with an ALT that has only been here one year as I have– and I have been told that it`s because of me and my personality that Kita and Tokai both wanted to. I am very touched by that – I think they did appreciate me. Sure, I didn`t stay late into the evening working on students club activities. I always left on time. I didn`t really mark much students work. But I did make the extra effort in my own way. In ways that I thought were important. I made friends with the teachers I was teaching with. I always took time to talk with them. And I think they must have appreciated that more than I realized before. To practice their English with a native speaker is a rare opportunity for a busy high school teacher. I was an open personality. I was happy around and about the school. I always smiled at people even if I couldn`t talk to them. I was always open to them. It`s such an easy thing to do – just to be open and friendly to people, but perhaps the other ALTs don`t do it so much. Evan probably didn`t as he found the atmosphere at Taga cold – but I have found it the complete opposite – all you`ve got to do is be friendly.
I`m sure I was appreciated for my lessons too – I did have some good ones I remember. When the good ones worked well it was great – getting all the students up and doing something different. Getting a good compliment from the JTE after a good lesson is great. Getting them all concentrated on an activity is great. And it`s true that when you get a student coming up to you, saying they can`t do it, and you give them a hint, and then they work it out for themselves and you see the realization on their face and you get a really big genuine smile from them – THAT, is a REALLY GREAT FEELING.
I`m pleased with the lessons I gave them. My personality was in them – my love of maps, cultural differences, modern culture, places in the world, UK culture, Japanese culture are all what I am interested in so I designed my lessons by that. And I think they did work well overall. I`m liked by my students so they must have respected me in my lessons – not seen me as horrible, nor as a joke teacher. I`ll miss being in the street meeting them everywhere – being said “harrow Bea-sensei!” to everywhere. It is almost like being a minor celebrity in this town – but it`s nice to be liked.
I was so worried about the big speech in Japanese I had to make to all of the school on that stage with the microphone. I fluffed up the bowing (as predicted). My voice was nervous (as predicted) but it was all worth it because I got a really long and warm round of applause from that giant hall (Yao commented that) and I felt very appreciated. It was a lovely way to end. The Japanese love their formailities - I have resented them, felt frustrated by them. But the appreciation you get from doing them is there. It was the first time the students had heard me speak Japanese I expect, and perhaps they respected me for doing it in Japanese and realizing what a hard thing it was for me to do. They still all wave and say hi to me enthusiastically when I see them so perhaps some are sad to see me go.
I`m sad to go too …. But I don`t want to stay! This year in Japan has been the best year of my life so far. I have learnt so much. I have experienced so much. I have grown so much. I have grown up so much. I`ve got new ideas of how I want to live my life in England to be as fulfilled and healthy as I have in Japan. I have truly widened my horizons and I am REALLY REALLY HAPPY.
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Yukata YoKATA!
It`s within my final month in Japan. And yet still! I have sizeable realizations about aspects of Japanese culture being why they are.
The latest eye-opener to me concerns explaining how and why the Japanese move how they do. I`ve always been quite bemused by how the Japanese move. And impressed by it! They tend to move quite quickly. But not in large extensive strides – the manner that most people would move in the west in, if they wanted to get somewhere quickly; they move quickly in a sort of running trot. Small, fast moving steps. Quite lightly on the floor so they are not making thuds. (I have to add an NB here to say that this movement is more typically found among women. Though, men do do this small trotting run also a lot (in addition to regular striding also). It is SO COMMON in a working environment. If there is a phone call someone will leap up from their desk and do the small trotting run to the phone. If someone asks someone to do something/ come here/ go over there – they will do it in the small trotting run.
I noticed it as a difference from a western way of moving because – although on the surface it is something small – it is obvious enough to strike me as a difference. I imagine that in western countries, in the work place people will slump up from their desk to get the phone. And perhaps trudge over to the phone. Because they are tired from getting up from their chair. Obviously people do move quickly in the west. With those big strides. But I would say generally this is done when there is a large distance to cover. Not within the room of an office. In Japan the fast movement is done over small distances.
When I had noticed this in the past I had always assumed that this interesting aspect of the Japanese was tied up with their strong work ethic. The importance to be a very keen and hardworking and enthusiastic contributory member to the working organization. But this weekend I realized this, was not the only reason.
At the weekend I went to another one of April and Jeff’s wicked parties in the countryside of Fukushima. This time the theme was national dress. What with us Americans, British and New Zealand being a bit thin on the ground re national dress someone suggested that we all buy ourselves yukata (the more informal summer version of the Japanese kimono, and where those). So, me Andrew and Jean went to buy ourselves new Yukata and all the rest of it (all the ties, and the obi belt, and hard structures, and undergarments that all strap you into this quite uncomfortable outfit).
We had a fun day the day after Yukata shopping when Tomoko drove us up into Fukushima, we went to a nature area, went on some fun slide thing which you pay money in a vending machine to use (nature rarely ever just natural in Japan). Went to eat soba in the restaurant, went to the kids park area. Jean sighed that we wouldn`t be doing any walking or exploring or anything. Which I might have sighed at before too. But to be honest I`m used to how the Japanese enjoy nature (unless you are a serious hiker). You should not overexert yourself or find ANYTHING even the tiniest bit strenuous. So we went on the ride, we ate, we mooched around the play park.
Then we went to our favourite café for coffee and cake. (I had tea and a pudding though!). Then we went to the onsen. Not that we had earnt the nice café or the onsen in any way! But the Japanese don`t think like that. If they`re having time off, every aspect of the day should be purely enjoyable and relaxing and JUST fun.
And then after a quick shower and go in the onsen us girls got changed into our yukata. First the undergarment – a kind of white hospital dressing gown, then we had to wrap a towel into a square shape and tie it with a cotton tie around our stomach (just under boobs!). The reason for this is – what is attractive to the Japanese – at least traditionally anyway – is for women to be totally flat all the way down. Therefore you put enough folded towels against your rib/ stomach area to make your stomach come out to the same level as your boobs so you go straight down with absolutely no womanly curves to be seen. Then you put on the yukata itself, pulling back the collar so you show off the back of the neck which is meant to be sexy. Then the obi is tied – Tomoko did a brilliant bow on the back of mine. Then a stiff thing is shoved in between the obi and the yukata. And there`s another tie that goes on somewhere but I can`t remember exactly. All of this amounts to a phenomenally restrictive outfit in which it is very hard to move. You can only take small steps in a yukata/ kimono because you are wrapped up almost like a mummy in all the fabric. And that`s not even considering the ridiculous wooden platform clogs that women have to wear where it is impossible to do anything other than take small steps.
So – my great realization is – that it is the Japanese traditional outfit (which is still very popular today) that is a principle cause of how the Japanese move how they do. It`s not only to look cute – but also strongly caused by the clothing (though the clothing style could of course have been designed over time to create and reinforce this style of movement that is thought attractive. All the movments that associate with the Japanese – the little run, the small slow inward steps in tea ceremony, the kneeling, the bowing: all of these movements are the easy ones to do when you are tied up in a yukata/ kimono so THAT IS WHY. What a great realization J
As an important end note to this subject I have to say how popular the Japanese traditional dress is, to the Japanese people. People love wearing yukata (despite how restrictive and comfortable I found it). There is a genuine fondness for them. I guess that people do find the look of them very attractive. I have to say – they are not something I have found instantly attractive as a clothing style – it is afterall very opposite from western fashions past and present, but, the yukata and kimono style has grown on me over the course of this year. I didn`t buy one for ages because I didn`t like them at first. But, now I finally bought one and tried it on and went to the party in it – I surprised myself and quite liked the look of myself in it! Me and Jean had a lot of fun running about like Japanese people in our yukata, having little races, pretending to serve tea to people, excessive amounts of bowing! (Bowing by the way – is one of the few movements it is possible to do very easily in a yukata. Another very interesting fitting little finding of this evening when I tried one on for the first time … given that the Japanese bow so much!)Given that the Japanese are usually entirely unfussed by fakeness – and do partake in a lot of ungenuine activities – which has pissed me off in the past – this genuine affection and use of their traditional dress in all daily life today is something that makes me feel really happy. Yuakata and kimono are sold everywhere – they are not just a novelty item that live in the past. They are part of Japan`s present. People wear them in summer in all the millions of big and totally insignificant festivals up and down this country. I see women in kimono at train stations throughout all the seasons. Like the tea ceremony which is genuinely alive in all the tea ceremony clubs in schools and the lessons women will take, and like the ikebana (flower arranging) classes and Japanses dance groups (that are always present in festival shows in large numbers from elderly participants though adults, young adults, teenagers, factory workers, kids) there are, these are the aspects of Japanese culture that is not superficialised in anyway. They are genuinely maintained through the will of the Japanese. And that makes me pleased :)
The latest eye-opener to me concerns explaining how and why the Japanese move how they do. I`ve always been quite bemused by how the Japanese move. And impressed by it! They tend to move quite quickly. But not in large extensive strides – the manner that most people would move in the west in, if they wanted to get somewhere quickly; they move quickly in a sort of running trot. Small, fast moving steps. Quite lightly on the floor so they are not making thuds. (I have to add an NB here to say that this movement is more typically found among women. Though, men do do this small trotting run also a lot (in addition to regular striding also). It is SO COMMON in a working environment. If there is a phone call someone will leap up from their desk and do the small trotting run to the phone. If someone asks someone to do something/ come here/ go over there – they will do it in the small trotting run.
I noticed it as a difference from a western way of moving because – although on the surface it is something small – it is obvious enough to strike me as a difference. I imagine that in western countries, in the work place people will slump up from their desk to get the phone. And perhaps trudge over to the phone. Because they are tired from getting up from their chair. Obviously people do move quickly in the west. With those big strides. But I would say generally this is done when there is a large distance to cover. Not within the room of an office. In Japan the fast movement is done over small distances.
When I had noticed this in the past I had always assumed that this interesting aspect of the Japanese was tied up with their strong work ethic. The importance to be a very keen and hardworking and enthusiastic contributory member to the working organization. But this weekend I realized this, was not the only reason.
At the weekend I went to another one of April and Jeff’s wicked parties in the countryside of Fukushima. This time the theme was national dress. What with us Americans, British and New Zealand being a bit thin on the ground re national dress someone suggested that we all buy ourselves yukata (the more informal summer version of the Japanese kimono, and where those). So, me Andrew and Jean went to buy ourselves new Yukata and all the rest of it (all the ties, and the obi belt, and hard structures, and undergarments that all strap you into this quite uncomfortable outfit).
We had a fun day the day after Yukata shopping when Tomoko drove us up into Fukushima, we went to a nature area, went on some fun slide thing which you pay money in a vending machine to use (nature rarely ever just natural in Japan). Went to eat soba in the restaurant, went to the kids park area. Jean sighed that we wouldn`t be doing any walking or exploring or anything. Which I might have sighed at before too. But to be honest I`m used to how the Japanese enjoy nature (unless you are a serious hiker). You should not overexert yourself or find ANYTHING even the tiniest bit strenuous. So we went on the ride, we ate, we mooched around the play park.
Then we went to our favourite café for coffee and cake. (I had tea and a pudding though!). Then we went to the onsen. Not that we had earnt the nice café or the onsen in any way! But the Japanese don`t think like that. If they`re having time off, every aspect of the day should be purely enjoyable and relaxing and JUST fun.
And then after a quick shower and go in the onsen us girls got changed into our yukata. First the undergarment – a kind of white hospital dressing gown, then we had to wrap a towel into a square shape and tie it with a cotton tie around our stomach (just under boobs!). The reason for this is – what is attractive to the Japanese – at least traditionally anyway – is for women to be totally flat all the way down. Therefore you put enough folded towels against your rib/ stomach area to make your stomach come out to the same level as your boobs so you go straight down with absolutely no womanly curves to be seen. Then you put on the yukata itself, pulling back the collar so you show off the back of the neck which is meant to be sexy. Then the obi is tied – Tomoko did a brilliant bow on the back of mine. Then a stiff thing is shoved in between the obi and the yukata. And there`s another tie that goes on somewhere but I can`t remember exactly. All of this amounts to a phenomenally restrictive outfit in which it is very hard to move. You can only take small steps in a yukata/ kimono because you are wrapped up almost like a mummy in all the fabric. And that`s not even considering the ridiculous wooden platform clogs that women have to wear where it is impossible to do anything other than take small steps.
So – my great realization is – that it is the Japanese traditional outfit (which is still very popular today) that is a principle cause of how the Japanese move how they do. It`s not only to look cute – but also strongly caused by the clothing (though the clothing style could of course have been designed over time to create and reinforce this style of movement that is thought attractive. All the movments that associate with the Japanese – the little run, the small slow inward steps in tea ceremony, the kneeling, the bowing: all of these movements are the easy ones to do when you are tied up in a yukata/ kimono so THAT IS WHY. What a great realization J
As an important end note to this subject I have to say how popular the Japanese traditional dress is, to the Japanese people. People love wearing yukata (despite how restrictive and comfortable I found it). There is a genuine fondness for them. I guess that people do find the look of them very attractive. I have to say – they are not something I have found instantly attractive as a clothing style – it is afterall very opposite from western fashions past and present, but, the yukata and kimono style has grown on me over the course of this year. I didn`t buy one for ages because I didn`t like them at first. But, now I finally bought one and tried it on and went to the party in it – I surprised myself and quite liked the look of myself in it! Me and Jean had a lot of fun running about like Japanese people in our yukata, having little races, pretending to serve tea to people, excessive amounts of bowing! (Bowing by the way – is one of the few movements it is possible to do very easily in a yukata. Another very interesting fitting little finding of this evening when I tried one on for the first time … given that the Japanese bow so much!)Given that the Japanese are usually entirely unfussed by fakeness – and do partake in a lot of ungenuine activities – which has pissed me off in the past – this genuine affection and use of their traditional dress in all daily life today is something that makes me feel really happy. Yuakata and kimono are sold everywhere – they are not just a novelty item that live in the past. They are part of Japan`s present. People wear them in summer in all the millions of big and totally insignificant festivals up and down this country. I see women in kimono at train stations throughout all the seasons. Like the tea ceremony which is genuinely alive in all the tea ceremony clubs in schools and the lessons women will take, and like the ikebana (flower arranging) classes and Japanses dance groups (that are always present in festival shows in large numbers from elderly participants though adults, young adults, teenagers, factory workers, kids) there are, these are the aspects of Japanese culture that is not superficialised in anyway. They are genuinely maintained through the will of the Japanese. And that makes me pleased :)
Saturday, 18 July 2009
For the SAKE of it.
My mood swings quickly in Japan. It`s because of the whole intensity of the situation I think. Either nice things happen and I`m so overwhelmed by the niceness of people (like the enkai with the Hitachi kita teachers on Friday – where we went to a wonderful Japanese sushi restaurant – fantastic food – great conversations – and I was given two beautiful presents), or I`m so pissed off with the stupidity of certain situations.
I still can`t get over the time wasting – the life wasting of working in a Japanese organization. We are just here for the SAKE of it. Nobody thinks about things objectively from outside of the structure. The structure is how it is so we just do it. Teachers work until late but on Friday I stayed late to wait for the teachers because of the enkai. They say they`re busy – but to be honest the teachers room didn`t look massively busy to me. They were chatting, reading newspapers – some were working but it didn`t seem all that efficient to me. Why ON EARTH don`t they just get their work done and GO HOME and see their family instead staying at work until some stupid hour.
I have realized in my time here that people just like to fill the allocated time. Nobody stops to think and suggest how things could be made more efficient – perhaps that meeting isn`t necessary for EVERYONE to attend/ necessary at all. They must adore their structure as some kind of safety net.
I think about the spot club activities – staying at Kita I heard the band practicing until 6 (3 hours after school) – and I know this will happen everyday. Yet they didn`t sound very good. You would think – for a band that practices 3 hours a day and weekends too would be world class for that amount of practice! But for me it is a kind of proof – that this system isn`t effective. They`re filling time in the band practice. Just going through the motions. Not really trying to improve. Just happy to be with each other and fill the time. (I`m not ranting at the fact they like to be together – the group spirit that is created as a result of this time filling doing a collective activity is quite an amazing thing). I just wish they could step outside of themselves sometimes and relax – follow another interest – do something independent. But perhaps they don`t want to.
And the sport – when I cycle to my yoga class at 6 on Monday evening I always see the football team training hard. And I know that’s the case every evening. And the weekends too. I remember my supervisor in response to my exclaimation at this saying – yes – but the Japanese aren`t amazing Olympians despite this vastly different level of practice between Japanese students and others around the world. Which is true. Which is also proof of ineffectivity of the excessive practice. I remember talking to Joel – an ALT in Ooarai who participates in basketball – he told me his theory – that it is just endless training – endless little drills – they only play in competitive games for the last 15 minutes of practice. And I can believe it! I went along to badminton club because I was interested in it but I only wanted to do it for an hour I said.
My theory is that the reason these kids aren`t particularly good at what they do – is because the motivation for doing it doesn`t come from them. They do it because of the teachers. They do it because of the structure. They do it to fill the time. To be in the community of the school. The competitive and internal motivation doesn`t come from them personally in general.
They`re doing it for the sake of it – like so many things in Japan. Japanese people have an amazing ability to keep going with things/ put up with things that they don`t like. Teachers complain about the fact they have to work so long in the evening – because “everbody does”. But many have complained to me – so why the hell don`t they change this ridiculous situation! Why doesn`t someone speak out against the structure. It strikes me as crazy, but they just live within the structure – for safety. I can`t work in this way. So I`m getting out.
I won`t miss the work life. But I`ll miss the social life a lot. And Japan itself. Of course I`ll miss Japan. But if I`m being objective here – I suppose that much of what I like about Japan itself is inextricably linked with how they work – the politeness, the civic mindedness, the safety, the consideration of others, the kindness – it is created by the manner of growing up and working in the such structured and community intensive settings that frustrate me so much.
I still can`t get over the time wasting – the life wasting of working in a Japanese organization. We are just here for the SAKE of it. Nobody thinks about things objectively from outside of the structure. The structure is how it is so we just do it. Teachers work until late but on Friday I stayed late to wait for the teachers because of the enkai. They say they`re busy – but to be honest the teachers room didn`t look massively busy to me. They were chatting, reading newspapers – some were working but it didn`t seem all that efficient to me. Why ON EARTH don`t they just get their work done and GO HOME and see their family instead staying at work until some stupid hour.
I have realized in my time here that people just like to fill the allocated time. Nobody stops to think and suggest how things could be made more efficient – perhaps that meeting isn`t necessary for EVERYONE to attend/ necessary at all. They must adore their structure as some kind of safety net.
I think about the spot club activities – staying at Kita I heard the band practicing until 6 (3 hours after school) – and I know this will happen everyday. Yet they didn`t sound very good. You would think – for a band that practices 3 hours a day and weekends too would be world class for that amount of practice! But for me it is a kind of proof – that this system isn`t effective. They`re filling time in the band practice. Just going through the motions. Not really trying to improve. Just happy to be with each other and fill the time. (I`m not ranting at the fact they like to be together – the group spirit that is created as a result of this time filling doing a collective activity is quite an amazing thing). I just wish they could step outside of themselves sometimes and relax – follow another interest – do something independent. But perhaps they don`t want to.
And the sport – when I cycle to my yoga class at 6 on Monday evening I always see the football team training hard. And I know that’s the case every evening. And the weekends too. I remember my supervisor in response to my exclaimation at this saying – yes – but the Japanese aren`t amazing Olympians despite this vastly different level of practice between Japanese students and others around the world. Which is true. Which is also proof of ineffectivity of the excessive practice. I remember talking to Joel – an ALT in Ooarai who participates in basketball – he told me his theory – that it is just endless training – endless little drills – they only play in competitive games for the last 15 minutes of practice. And I can believe it! I went along to badminton club because I was interested in it but I only wanted to do it for an hour I said.
My theory is that the reason these kids aren`t particularly good at what they do – is because the motivation for doing it doesn`t come from them. They do it because of the teachers. They do it because of the structure. They do it to fill the time. To be in the community of the school. The competitive and internal motivation doesn`t come from them personally in general.
They`re doing it for the sake of it – like so many things in Japan. Japanese people have an amazing ability to keep going with things/ put up with things that they don`t like. Teachers complain about the fact they have to work so long in the evening – because “everbody does”. But many have complained to me – so why the hell don`t they change this ridiculous situation! Why doesn`t someone speak out against the structure. It strikes me as crazy, but they just live within the structure – for safety. I can`t work in this way. So I`m getting out.
I won`t miss the work life. But I`ll miss the social life a lot. And Japan itself. Of course I`ll miss Japan. But if I`m being objective here – I suppose that much of what I like about Japan itself is inextricably linked with how they work – the politeness, the civic mindedness, the safety, the consideration of others, the kindness – it is created by the manner of growing up and working in the such structured and community intensive settings that frustrate me so much.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Fakery in Japan
Now this is a funny thing. Some aspects of humanity you think are universal. And it`s only when you live 12 hours by plane from your home country that you find out that they`re not!
And I love that.
There are a lot of things you can learn when travelling to another “close-by” country. Other European countries do do things differently/ behave differently. But even some thigs are European-universal. By just experiencing a European way of life and outlook and discovering those things that are similar to your country you would be forgiven for taking this European-wide similarity and applying it universally to the world.
Sometimes you really need to travel right outside of your segment of this sphere, right from the north to the south, or, the west to the east in this case to really discover what are global universals and what aren`t. It`s funny to discover things that you assume were. And are in fact not.
(I realize this is getting rather abstract, so I`ll give it some concrete).
I came to this thought after an experience on my birthday came to trigger one of these realizations that I periodically have here.
My birthday party had turned into a weekend event. I wanted to go shopping in the days, dancing in the night – desperate to do Tokyo properly because it is a fabulous city and I hadn`t been there nearly enough. (It was an absolutely fabulous birthday which I will describe in the next blog post).
One of the several distinct shopping areas – Ikebukuro, was suggested (by my students and friend Tomoko, so I was enthusiastic to go there. Ikebukuro slightly reminded me of Oxford Street, and then Covent Garden in London in character as we followed Tomoko through the streets to where we were going shopping. We were looking out for “Sunshine City” in the Tokyu building. A shopping mall type experience then. To be inside a shopping centre wouldn`t have been my choice as I did want to experience Tokyo. Rather than a generic shopping centre. But, I`m always keen to follow Japanese people, because as a foreigner, you usually have some typically Japanese experience as a result rather than doing things I normally would ……
…. AND WE SURE DID!
Lunch was on all our minds by 12 – quickly too, so we get straight to the shops. Tomoko though, had that covered. Shes obviously done some research before – armed with google map printouts and what was available in the Sunshine City complex. She said we`d be going to a gyoza and ice cream bar. Gyoza aren`t my favourite food in the world, nor Andrew`s or Jean`s who are trying to be healthy, but we just went along with her anyway, because it`s not the done thing in Japan to stand out and make a fuss.
I first got the hint that this was going to be one of those weird, unique, only in Japan-type experiences when Tomoko mentioned the \300 entrance fee. “What?” An entrance fee just to a gyoza place??!” So, we paid our \300 into the machine (this, by the way, is something in many Japanese food establishments that doesn`t make me bat an eyelid anymore, but for British peple perhaps it is a bit weird buying your lunch ticket of whatever meal-drink bar – sald bar – bread bar – dessert combo deal you`re going to go for) and put our tickets through the automatic gates and entered.
IT WAS ENTIRELY BIZARRE.
No natural light, fake brown paneling – odd plastic cartoon structures here and there – a Christmas tree – a fake shrine – a fake chapel – dark. And then the fake festival too! We had entered some kind of alternative reality theme park world. Except there weren`t rides. This was in a shopping centre. Which was in regular Tokyo outside. Everything was totally weird – almost as if we were in a theatre set of phantom of the Opera in certain areas.
At first I think us gaijin felt a little put out a good well-meaning Tomoko had brought us into this strange dark place that we couldn`t get out of now we had our entrance tickets- we were in. All we had wanted was a quick bite. The Chinese dumpling shop outside of Zara would have been good for me!
But quickly we got into the swing of experiencing one of these “only Japan!” places. They had created this fake festival atmosphere inside the place. With gyoza stalls crammed together just like you would find at a real festival! Tight pathways to walk between the stalls on to create the crowded festival atmosphere. Even the funny fish tanks that you can find at festivals you find there. An open area of small stalls and tables for casual seating (which you would find ONLY at a FESTVAL in Japan). And the crowd was there! There were so many people pushing around these gyoza stalls. We bought our gyoza slightly overwhelmed by all the choice and sat on the low tables in the dark fake festival seating area to eat them. Then we went to the ice cream area up some fake Disney type grand house staircase to the ice cream palce where there was so much different kind of ice cream. Turkish ice crea. Soft cream. Belgian. Giant cabinets with loads of different hagen daaz pots. And the slot machine areas with the high pitched intense sounds to the side. It was consumerism and consumption gone made. (Again this aspect of Japan that I have mentioned before – when we work, we WORK. When we don`t work, we REALLY DON`T WORK. We go to strange lands like this a spend and buy, and eat and drink!) As we were eating our ice creams finding a funny bench opposite some strange structures with flashing lights we noticed people with headsets and wearing packs. Holding their packs up to the sky and occasionally grabbing to hit the lights then walking on. Andrew and Tomoko asked what they were doing. It turns out they were playing some kind of ghostbusters game, where they were hunting ghosts. Entirely bizarre. And all the more so because these were adults doing this. Not kids. Young men and women – probably on a date one couple.
A fake festival had been created inside a shopping centre with ghostbusters. And finally I am coming to the point in this post. The Japanese don`t seem bothered by fakeness. At all!
I think that in the west, we highly value originality and genuineness. I had assumed this was a universal, but various experiences in Japan and China have made me think this is not the case. Obviously we have such things as theme parks and laser Quest in England, which the only thing I can think of with a small relation to this. But for the Japanese it goes further. In this alternative reality we were in that lunchtime there was also fake shrines. And a fake church. That would NEVER happen in the west – to make a fake religious place. Because that is something serious for many people. And it just wouldn`t be done. But the Japanese view fake things the same as real things. They are just as happy to have their photo taken outside a fake shrine/ festival as a real one.
This lack of bother surrounding fake things extends into other more serious aspects of Japanese life. A wedding for example. For Japanese a church wedding is very fashionable these days. But the Japanese aren`t Christian. They just want a fake Christian wedding. They don`t think this is weird in ANY WAY. There are fake Christian chapels all over the place in Japan. And there is a recognized job in Japan to be a FAKE PRIEST. And I am NOT JOKING. It is even better if you manage to get a western fake priest as opposed to Japanese (so good extra career for some gaijin here!)
These fake Christian weddings are so popular in Japan at the moment. It is not for a select funny few. Most couples want this. (Though, I have to be fair and say, many will also have a ceremony at a shrine too).
But the point remains. The Japanese aren`t bothered by fakeness. To the westerner, genuinity is highly valued. We like to see things that are old, that are the original. Like our churches and old buildings for instance. We like them. We are proud of them. But in the east an original shrine is not particularly valued. They are rebuilt every 40 years. (This is the same in China).
Can you imagine the equivalent – rebuilding a catherdral every 40 years???!!
It is a funny moment when you come to realize that something like really valuing something that is genuine, is not so important to everyone across the whole world, as I think I thought.
And I love that.
There are a lot of things you can learn when travelling to another “close-by” country. Other European countries do do things differently/ behave differently. But even some thigs are European-universal. By just experiencing a European way of life and outlook and discovering those things that are similar to your country you would be forgiven for taking this European-wide similarity and applying it universally to the world.
Sometimes you really need to travel right outside of your segment of this sphere, right from the north to the south, or, the west to the east in this case to really discover what are global universals and what aren`t. It`s funny to discover things that you assume were. And are in fact not.
(I realize this is getting rather abstract, so I`ll give it some concrete).
I came to this thought after an experience on my birthday came to trigger one of these realizations that I periodically have here.
My birthday party had turned into a weekend event. I wanted to go shopping in the days, dancing in the night – desperate to do Tokyo properly because it is a fabulous city and I hadn`t been there nearly enough. (It was an absolutely fabulous birthday which I will describe in the next blog post).
One of the several distinct shopping areas – Ikebukuro, was suggested (by my students and friend Tomoko, so I was enthusiastic to go there. Ikebukuro slightly reminded me of Oxford Street, and then Covent Garden in London in character as we followed Tomoko through the streets to where we were going shopping. We were looking out for “Sunshine City” in the Tokyu building. A shopping mall type experience then. To be inside a shopping centre wouldn`t have been my choice as I did want to experience Tokyo. Rather than a generic shopping centre. But, I`m always keen to follow Japanese people, because as a foreigner, you usually have some typically Japanese experience as a result rather than doing things I normally would ……
…. AND WE SURE DID!
Lunch was on all our minds by 12 – quickly too, so we get straight to the shops. Tomoko though, had that covered. Shes obviously done some research before – armed with google map printouts and what was available in the Sunshine City complex. She said we`d be going to a gyoza and ice cream bar. Gyoza aren`t my favourite food in the world, nor Andrew`s or Jean`s who are trying to be healthy, but we just went along with her anyway, because it`s not the done thing in Japan to stand out and make a fuss.
I first got the hint that this was going to be one of those weird, unique, only in Japan-type experiences when Tomoko mentioned the \300 entrance fee. “What?” An entrance fee just to a gyoza place??!” So, we paid our \300 into the machine (this, by the way, is something in many Japanese food establishments that doesn`t make me bat an eyelid anymore, but for British peple perhaps it is a bit weird buying your lunch ticket of whatever meal-drink bar – sald bar – bread bar – dessert combo deal you`re going to go for) and put our tickets through the automatic gates and entered.
IT WAS ENTIRELY BIZARRE.
No natural light, fake brown paneling – odd plastic cartoon structures here and there – a Christmas tree – a fake shrine – a fake chapel – dark. And then the fake festival too! We had entered some kind of alternative reality theme park world. Except there weren`t rides. This was in a shopping centre. Which was in regular Tokyo outside. Everything was totally weird – almost as if we were in a theatre set of phantom of the Opera in certain areas.
At first I think us gaijin felt a little put out a good well-meaning Tomoko had brought us into this strange dark place that we couldn`t get out of now we had our entrance tickets- we were in. All we had wanted was a quick bite. The Chinese dumpling shop outside of Zara would have been good for me!
But quickly we got into the swing of experiencing one of these “only Japan!” places. They had created this fake festival atmosphere inside the place. With gyoza stalls crammed together just like you would find at a real festival! Tight pathways to walk between the stalls on to create the crowded festival atmosphere. Even the funny fish tanks that you can find at festivals you find there. An open area of small stalls and tables for casual seating (which you would find ONLY at a FESTVAL in Japan). And the crowd was there! There were so many people pushing around these gyoza stalls. We bought our gyoza slightly overwhelmed by all the choice and sat on the low tables in the dark fake festival seating area to eat them. Then we went to the ice cream area up some fake Disney type grand house staircase to the ice cream palce where there was so much different kind of ice cream. Turkish ice crea. Soft cream. Belgian. Giant cabinets with loads of different hagen daaz pots. And the slot machine areas with the high pitched intense sounds to the side. It was consumerism and consumption gone made. (Again this aspect of Japan that I have mentioned before – when we work, we WORK. When we don`t work, we REALLY DON`T WORK. We go to strange lands like this a spend and buy, and eat and drink!) As we were eating our ice creams finding a funny bench opposite some strange structures with flashing lights we noticed people with headsets and wearing packs. Holding their packs up to the sky and occasionally grabbing to hit the lights then walking on. Andrew and Tomoko asked what they were doing. It turns out they were playing some kind of ghostbusters game, where they were hunting ghosts. Entirely bizarre. And all the more so because these were adults doing this. Not kids. Young men and women – probably on a date one couple.
A fake festival had been created inside a shopping centre with ghostbusters. And finally I am coming to the point in this post. The Japanese don`t seem bothered by fakeness. At all!
I think that in the west, we highly value originality and genuineness. I had assumed this was a universal, but various experiences in Japan and China have made me think this is not the case. Obviously we have such things as theme parks and laser Quest in England, which the only thing I can think of with a small relation to this. But for the Japanese it goes further. In this alternative reality we were in that lunchtime there was also fake shrines. And a fake church. That would NEVER happen in the west – to make a fake religious place. Because that is something serious for many people. And it just wouldn`t be done. But the Japanese view fake things the same as real things. They are just as happy to have their photo taken outside a fake shrine/ festival as a real one.
This lack of bother surrounding fake things extends into other more serious aspects of Japanese life. A wedding for example. For Japanese a church wedding is very fashionable these days. But the Japanese aren`t Christian. They just want a fake Christian wedding. They don`t think this is weird in ANY WAY. There are fake Christian chapels all over the place in Japan. And there is a recognized job in Japan to be a FAKE PRIEST. And I am NOT JOKING. It is even better if you manage to get a western fake priest as opposed to Japanese (so good extra career for some gaijin here!)
These fake Christian weddings are so popular in Japan at the moment. It is not for a select funny few. Most couples want this. (Though, I have to be fair and say, many will also have a ceremony at a shrine too).
But the point remains. The Japanese aren`t bothered by fakeness. To the westerner, genuinity is highly valued. We like to see things that are old, that are the original. Like our churches and old buildings for instance. We like them. We are proud of them. But in the east an original shrine is not particularly valued. They are rebuilt every 40 years. (This is the same in China).
Can you imagine the equivalent – rebuilding a catherdral every 40 years???!!
It is a funny moment when you come to realize that something like really valuing something that is genuine, is not so important to everyone across the whole world, as I think I thought.
Compulsory Gaijins?
When I used to be in the evenings a little more often than I am now sometimes I listened to a BBC World Service programme called “The Forum”. It is quite intellectual where four different people with entirely different areas of expertise come to discuss their areas of research/ art/ whatever in a deep discussion. Somewhow their totally disparate subjects are blended together well in a very clever way by some BBC researcher. I really like it, particularly one aspect of the hour long programme in the middle. The 1 minute idea. Basically, one of the invited people is asked to present an idea that they think will change the world. And to explain it in one minute.
Sometimes the ideas are really small – like having silence time in schools, and sometimes they are much bigger. Several months ago one person suggested that everyone should spend an extended period of time (say, a year) living in a foreign country.
I occasionally think this, and it came back to me recently. Living in Japan has been a brilliant experience for me. To come here has been the biggest challenge of my life, but without a doubt, the best thing I have decided to do. To talk about travel as widening your horizons is really a bit of an understatement. This 10 months in Japan has completely blasted open my horizons into entirely new dimensions! Except to put it like that makes it seem as though there was some explosion in my brain that occurred when the plane touched down and when I stepped out of Narita airport. Which did not happen at all, obviously. This horizon expansion is something incremental as I have experienced more and more of the Japanese way of life, values and how they do things. To the extent it has now become very big as I feel I have learnt so much more about life. I feel very widened is the best way I can think to describe it.
Living so outside of my culture and heritage in an other, I can view my culture, my upbringing, English values and way of life from the outside and from a place where things aren`t done in the same way. It has been refreshing I suppose. The best thing is that it makes you question a lot about your home culture and YOU! and why things a done in the way they are. Often I have found good things. And it is nice to appreciate them. And to not see them as something inevitable and normal. Because the fact they don`t exist here shows they`re not.
For me, one of my favourite aspects about living abroad is that I can now pick and choose from these two very different ways of living and working, how I want to live my life. (Obviously, you can only recreate the personal aspects of each culture that you like where you eventually decide to be – you can`t just bring back society-wide changes along with you! I won`t be able to bring back the safety of Japan with me).
I love the fact I have questioned the way English people do things, I love the fact that I want to have tatami mats in my own flat one day. I love the fact I want to ride my bike more. I love the fact I want to run around an office at work! I love the fact I want to eat like Japanese people. I love the fact I have discovered these things because I have lived in Japan.
I feel that my life has been made so much more richer, and I have so many more options for how I want aspects of my life to be, because of this experience abroad.
So, for me, living abroad for this time has been fantastic. Not only in terms of creating me more choices for my future, but also how much I have learnt about ME. The amount you learn is vast when you are a gaijin, in whatever country you go to, I am sure.
But to make it compulsory – a year abroad. That`s something I wonder about. For someone like me, who is fascinated by the different countries and cultures of the world, and takes such an active interest in them, it is not altogether that surprising that this year has been so successful. But imagine forcing it on other people. I guess it would widen their horizons. But some people don`t feel the need for it – like Mum for instance. Should someone who is happy where she is be forced to leave for a year? I don`t think so. But yet the benefits if you do do it though, are undeniable. But Mum and Dad both have lived in another culture – and they are connected to Europe and have knowledge of the French/ Italian way of things so they have already this experience perhaps.
Perhaps every YOUNG person should do it. Particularly in today`s globalised world we need to understand and be sensitive to other cultures more. (My latest job idea is to be a cross-cultural consultant for businesses operating overseas – the amount of help that having cultural knowledge has to businesses is definitely big I think).
It has benefitted me massively - so maybe more people should do it. Though, I am wary of this bright little idea, and it`s effects on the environment what with people developing relationships criss-crossing the globe. It`s hardly going to do much for reducing plane travel I don`t think.
Sometimes the ideas are really small – like having silence time in schools, and sometimes they are much bigger. Several months ago one person suggested that everyone should spend an extended period of time (say, a year) living in a foreign country.
I occasionally think this, and it came back to me recently. Living in Japan has been a brilliant experience for me. To come here has been the biggest challenge of my life, but without a doubt, the best thing I have decided to do. To talk about travel as widening your horizons is really a bit of an understatement. This 10 months in Japan has completely blasted open my horizons into entirely new dimensions! Except to put it like that makes it seem as though there was some explosion in my brain that occurred when the plane touched down and when I stepped out of Narita airport. Which did not happen at all, obviously. This horizon expansion is something incremental as I have experienced more and more of the Japanese way of life, values and how they do things. To the extent it has now become very big as I feel I have learnt so much more about life. I feel very widened is the best way I can think to describe it.
Living so outside of my culture and heritage in an other, I can view my culture, my upbringing, English values and way of life from the outside and from a place where things aren`t done in the same way. It has been refreshing I suppose. The best thing is that it makes you question a lot about your home culture and YOU! and why things a done in the way they are. Often I have found good things. And it is nice to appreciate them. And to not see them as something inevitable and normal. Because the fact they don`t exist here shows they`re not.
For me, one of my favourite aspects about living abroad is that I can now pick and choose from these two very different ways of living and working, how I want to live my life. (Obviously, you can only recreate the personal aspects of each culture that you like where you eventually decide to be – you can`t just bring back society-wide changes along with you! I won`t be able to bring back the safety of Japan with me).
I love the fact I have questioned the way English people do things, I love the fact that I want to have tatami mats in my own flat one day. I love the fact I want to ride my bike more. I love the fact I want to run around an office at work! I love the fact I want to eat like Japanese people. I love the fact I have discovered these things because I have lived in Japan.
I feel that my life has been made so much more richer, and I have so many more options for how I want aspects of my life to be, because of this experience abroad.
So, for me, living abroad for this time has been fantastic. Not only in terms of creating me more choices for my future, but also how much I have learnt about ME. The amount you learn is vast when you are a gaijin, in whatever country you go to, I am sure.
But to make it compulsory – a year abroad. That`s something I wonder about. For someone like me, who is fascinated by the different countries and cultures of the world, and takes such an active interest in them, it is not altogether that surprising that this year has been so successful. But imagine forcing it on other people. I guess it would widen their horizons. But some people don`t feel the need for it – like Mum for instance. Should someone who is happy where she is be forced to leave for a year? I don`t think so. But yet the benefits if you do do it though, are undeniable. But Mum and Dad both have lived in another culture – and they are connected to Europe and have knowledge of the French/ Italian way of things so they have already this experience perhaps.
Perhaps every YOUNG person should do it. Particularly in today`s globalised world we need to understand and be sensitive to other cultures more. (My latest job idea is to be a cross-cultural consultant for businesses operating overseas – the amount of help that having cultural knowledge has to businesses is definitely big I think).
It has benefitted me massively - so maybe more people should do it. Though, I am wary of this bright little idea, and it`s effects on the environment what with people developing relationships criss-crossing the globe. It`s hardly going to do much for reducing plane travel I don`t think.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
In My Brain amoung the Rice Fields
I had a funny feeling last week when I was in the car with the usual gang – Gaku-chan, Vince, Jean and Andrew, Yuki, Tomoko and Yumiko in the car driving behind as we were heading north into Fukushima prefecture. We were doing a great daytrip - a walk in a nice forest (marked and paid for trail of course, with omiyagae shop at end) and then heading for V.G. cheesecake at our favourite coffeeshop after, and then the outdoor onsen, and then restaurant dinner. Perfect day. And it was a seriously beautiful drive on these mountain roads in the north of Ibaraki and Fukushima. Through mountainous tree-covered landscape and the stepped rice fields in the valley areas. They`re full of water with little green shoots growing through in this season and they`re particularly beautiful. But I suddenly had a feeling of not belonging to this landscape. I`m always quite interested in landscapes all around the world, I think because of my love of geography. So I do love all the different kinds of natural landscapes of all around the world. But I had this quite strong feeling of not belonging to this landscape of rice fields, and mountains where cedar trees cover the all slopes. I had a strong feeling that this landscape doesn`t come from where I come from. And therefore it meant that I felt that I did not belong here. It felt like quite a fundamental feeling. And it surprised me how I`ve kept thinking about it since then. Because I have been here for 10 months now – it`s not like this landscape surprised me. It`s more that – I have been here for 10 months, I have good friends here, I really enjoy my social lifestyle here, and in general I do things that I like to do. So in a way I am “at home” in the sense I have created (with quite a lot of luck of the town, particularly the people in this town) a home and a lifestyle that I like here. (All be it, always knowing that I want to leave because it is too far from my family). So I do, in the social sense, feel happy and at home here. But, last week – I had this important feeling created from the rice fields and mountains, and the small Japanese settlements where the houses look all different, that this is DEFINITELY NOT MY HOME and definitely not where I come from.
I should perhaps feel surprised that it has taken me 10 months before I have felt this feeling of not belonging here. But actually, I CAN understand it. The reason I have enjoyed Japan so much is because of my attitude here. I have been totally laidback. Been totally receptive to the way Japanese people do things, totally accepting of ALL the TINY, LITTLE DIFFERENCES that make up my life here. Been totally accepting of “oh yeah there`s another rice field over there, next to that house in a town!” My attitude has been whatever – lets do whatever! OK fine – you tell me! That`s the way to discover a new culture by keeping your assumptions about how things should be right down inside you and not near the surface at all. Especially in my beginning few months I would NEVER make a suggestion about where to go/ what to do/ what to eat/ when to do these things – I would never impose at all so I could experience Japan TO THE MAXIMUM.
They are small things all these differences, but just recently my brain has been thinking in a way where I just step out of myself. I see that all these tiny differences in my lifestyle here that have joined together to created something huge. It IS huge the difference of my life in Japan. But if I try to describe it I can only list small insignificant things. It doesn`t seem much when I try to list them. I can`t list them even, because I forget what they are. Because individually they are SO insignificant. But all I know is that they have culminated into something quite big for me.
It`s as if the rice field moment I had last week has suddenly made me look at myself from the outside. When I was on the morning train with all the commuters and school kids I suddenly saw all these asian faces being different from me – almost for the first time! It sounds stupid and is a small exaggeration but I never thought about being so different from the rest of the people in my environment before. Having this thought only occurs to me when I see another unknown westerner on the train – which is definitely a rarity – I look at them and think about how odd they look, without really considering that odd looking foreigner is actually me. Everyday! Everywhere.
I should perhaps feel surprised that it has taken me 10 months before I have felt this feeling of not belonging here. But actually, I CAN understand it. The reason I have enjoyed Japan so much is because of my attitude here. I have been totally laidback. Been totally receptive to the way Japanese people do things, totally accepting of ALL the TINY, LITTLE DIFFERENCES that make up my life here. Been totally accepting of “oh yeah there`s another rice field over there, next to that house in a town!” My attitude has been whatever – lets do whatever! OK fine – you tell me! That`s the way to discover a new culture by keeping your assumptions about how things should be right down inside you and not near the surface at all. Especially in my beginning few months I would NEVER make a suggestion about where to go/ what to do/ what to eat/ when to do these things – I would never impose at all so I could experience Japan TO THE MAXIMUM.
They are small things all these differences, but just recently my brain has been thinking in a way where I just step out of myself. I see that all these tiny differences in my lifestyle here that have joined together to created something huge. It IS huge the difference of my life in Japan. But if I try to describe it I can only list small insignificant things. It doesn`t seem much when I try to list them. I can`t list them even, because I forget what they are. Because individually they are SO insignificant. But all I know is that they have culminated into something quite big for me.
It`s as if the rice field moment I had last week has suddenly made me look at myself from the outside. When I was on the morning train with all the commuters and school kids I suddenly saw all these asian faces being different from me – almost for the first time! It sounds stupid and is a small exaggeration but I never thought about being so different from the rest of the people in my environment before. Having this thought only occurs to me when I see another unknown westerner on the train – which is definitely a rarity – I look at them and think about how odd they look, without really considering that odd looking foreigner is actually me. Everyday! Everywhere.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
To Be In Love In Japan
Now there`s a difficulty. Of majestic proportions. For me, the language barrier alone is the sole humungous problem to this issue. But even to those ALTs with half decent Japanese/ those who can have a basic conversation, the creation of a relationship across this giant culture gap is pretty-much a non-starter.
Except that it`s not. There are ALTs with Japanese boyfriends/ girlfriends, but to the rest of us without – we just talk with incredulity at how this is ever achieved. The Japanese are so shy. I guess people are always shy when they like someone. But add to this shyness, the intense apprehension of/ shyness towards foreigners. Foreigners confuse Japanese just as much as I am confused by the behavior of Japanese. Which still now, is a lot.
Many ALTs complain that it is very hard to know if a Japanese person is attached at all! Because Japanese are not at all touchy-feely in public. You will rarely see a couple holding hands in public. In fact this is one thing foreigners in relationships have complained about – that there is no acknowledgement of the relationship in public at all. There is really no way of knowing if they`re attached unless they`re married and have a ring on their finger. I don`t really have a clue whether my guy that I like has a girlfriend or not.
But aside from that. The real problems with relationships in Japan are actually getting there in the first place. Subtle cues which are understood between 2 people from the same cultural background cannot be relied upon to have the same meaning to the other individual AT ALL. This makes it all excessively difficult to feel your way through, and understand what on earth is going on in their head.
It is my view that many Japanese are rather afraid of foreigners. I feel that sometimes in conversations. (Though, this could well be because of the fact that I tend to have conversations in English, and therefore naturally would always be the more confident partner in the conversation because I am the native tongue). I am typically more confident. I have the hang of knowing how to make them laugh, I lead the conversations often. Naturally, of course, because it`s my language. So they laugh with me.
The problem of speaking English all the time and not being able to have much of a conversation in Japanese is actually this. I am typically the conversation leader. I guide it, to topics that we can easily talk about, that will be familiar to both of us, that they can cope with based on their level of English. It`s great to be able to do this. And it`s why I have many Japanese friends. But, there is a problem in being a conversation leader rather than a conversation follower. It doesn`t give the other person much of a chance to volunteer their own thoughts/ feelings/ talk from a completely open space. By following a conversation leader like me, everything is a reaction to what I say. It means I never get to know what they really think because it`s all a reaction to what I say (and often agreement - because they are Japanese - and it`s a very Japanese thing to agree, and build consensus, especially when forming new friends).
Of course, this is by no means the only cause of me not knowing what Japanese people really think. The Japanese are notorious for this anyway. Saying things just to please people when their true thoughts are kept hidden. For the other party to guess at. Which is fine if you have grown up in this culture, and you know those subtle cues, and that subtlety of the language and the body language which must be quite different to the west. But the gaijin is really left a bit clueless with Japanese subtlety.
Most foreigner friends of mine, I imagine, would have difficulties with these subtleties of the language. The most ridiculous thing in my case is that my difficulties are with the blatantly obvious bits of conversation too. I can`t hardly have much of a conversation where I find out something I don`t really already know. I can only have conversations where I basically pretty much know what they`re going to say. (eg that`s beautiful isn`t it?, or sounds fun, or lets do this etc). It`s so base level it`s silly.
What a ridiculous situation to be in really. In a way it`s obvious to me that many people like me. I receive a lot of compliments much of the time and many Japanese people do tend to like me because I do tend to find making small talk with the ones who have a basic command of English really quite easy. But, taking things to the next level is fantastically difficult.
It`s obvious in the way someone looks at you that they like you. I guess maybe that is universal.
I can tell this from the Yoga boy. He`s often sneaking a look at me, and me him, and he`s very smiley and we enjoy chatting before and after the class. If we both spoke the same language – or even a related one would be good – it would be easy by this stage. But, his English is not as good as many of my Japanese friends and communication really is that bit more difficult. He said he liked the circus. I`m so keen to go and see a show in Tokyo at the moment. So I was so excited as I was researching it earlier this week to show him, and suggest we go. But, my god. So difficult to establish that suggestion!
The funny thing is I`m not even shy of making all the moves!. That`s the good thing about Japan I think. It has made me so much more confident with men. Because you have to be! The one certainty in all this uncertainty surrounding making a relationship in Japan is that you KNOW Japanese men are slightly scared of western women and would therefore NEVER make a move. So, I`m happy to make all the suggestions. The problem I have – is not with the confidence in making the suggestion – it is getting the meaning of the suggestion across in the first place!!
I really wanted to go with him to see the circus show in Tokyo. But turns out he`d already been! I THINK. But, to ask if he would want to go again – impossible. To do all that subtle suggesting, hinting language that I would do with native English people – impossible. So, we were left, leaning against the gym timetable at the end of our class, just grinning, head against the wall in frustration. Me wishing I could speak Japanese, him wishing he could speak English better I expect, both us probably not really wanting to leave and see you on Monday, but doing that anyway. Arghargh! Impossible situation.
Except that it`s not. There are ALTs with Japanese boyfriends/ girlfriends, but to the rest of us without – we just talk with incredulity at how this is ever achieved. The Japanese are so shy. I guess people are always shy when they like someone. But add to this shyness, the intense apprehension of/ shyness towards foreigners. Foreigners confuse Japanese just as much as I am confused by the behavior of Japanese. Which still now, is a lot.
Many ALTs complain that it is very hard to know if a Japanese person is attached at all! Because Japanese are not at all touchy-feely in public. You will rarely see a couple holding hands in public. In fact this is one thing foreigners in relationships have complained about – that there is no acknowledgement of the relationship in public at all. There is really no way of knowing if they`re attached unless they`re married and have a ring on their finger. I don`t really have a clue whether my guy that I like has a girlfriend or not.
But aside from that. The real problems with relationships in Japan are actually getting there in the first place. Subtle cues which are understood between 2 people from the same cultural background cannot be relied upon to have the same meaning to the other individual AT ALL. This makes it all excessively difficult to feel your way through, and understand what on earth is going on in their head.
It is my view that many Japanese are rather afraid of foreigners. I feel that sometimes in conversations. (Though, this could well be because of the fact that I tend to have conversations in English, and therefore naturally would always be the more confident partner in the conversation because I am the native tongue). I am typically more confident. I have the hang of knowing how to make them laugh, I lead the conversations often. Naturally, of course, because it`s my language. So they laugh with me.
The problem of speaking English all the time and not being able to have much of a conversation in Japanese is actually this. I am typically the conversation leader. I guide it, to topics that we can easily talk about, that will be familiar to both of us, that they can cope with based on their level of English. It`s great to be able to do this. And it`s why I have many Japanese friends. But, there is a problem in being a conversation leader rather than a conversation follower. It doesn`t give the other person much of a chance to volunteer their own thoughts/ feelings/ talk from a completely open space. By following a conversation leader like me, everything is a reaction to what I say. It means I never get to know what they really think because it`s all a reaction to what I say (and often agreement - because they are Japanese - and it`s a very Japanese thing to agree, and build consensus, especially when forming new friends).
Of course, this is by no means the only cause of me not knowing what Japanese people really think. The Japanese are notorious for this anyway. Saying things just to please people when their true thoughts are kept hidden. For the other party to guess at. Which is fine if you have grown up in this culture, and you know those subtle cues, and that subtlety of the language and the body language which must be quite different to the west. But the gaijin is really left a bit clueless with Japanese subtlety.
Most foreigner friends of mine, I imagine, would have difficulties with these subtleties of the language. The most ridiculous thing in my case is that my difficulties are with the blatantly obvious bits of conversation too. I can`t hardly have much of a conversation where I find out something I don`t really already know. I can only have conversations where I basically pretty much know what they`re going to say. (eg that`s beautiful isn`t it?, or sounds fun, or lets do this etc). It`s so base level it`s silly.
What a ridiculous situation to be in really. In a way it`s obvious to me that many people like me. I receive a lot of compliments much of the time and many Japanese people do tend to like me because I do tend to find making small talk with the ones who have a basic command of English really quite easy. But, taking things to the next level is fantastically difficult.
It`s obvious in the way someone looks at you that they like you. I guess maybe that is universal.
I can tell this from the Yoga boy. He`s often sneaking a look at me, and me him, and he`s very smiley and we enjoy chatting before and after the class. If we both spoke the same language – or even a related one would be good – it would be easy by this stage. But, his English is not as good as many of my Japanese friends and communication really is that bit more difficult. He said he liked the circus. I`m so keen to go and see a show in Tokyo at the moment. So I was so excited as I was researching it earlier this week to show him, and suggest we go. But, my god. So difficult to establish that suggestion!
The funny thing is I`m not even shy of making all the moves!. That`s the good thing about Japan I think. It has made me so much more confident with men. Because you have to be! The one certainty in all this uncertainty surrounding making a relationship in Japan is that you KNOW Japanese men are slightly scared of western women and would therefore NEVER make a move. So, I`m happy to make all the suggestions. The problem I have – is not with the confidence in making the suggestion – it is getting the meaning of the suggestion across in the first place!!
I really wanted to go with him to see the circus show in Tokyo. But turns out he`d already been! I THINK. But, to ask if he would want to go again – impossible. To do all that subtle suggesting, hinting language that I would do with native English people – impossible. So, we were left, leaning against the gym timetable at the end of our class, just grinning, head against the wall in frustration. Me wishing I could speak Japanese, him wishing he could speak English better I expect, both us probably not really wanting to leave and see you on Monday, but doing that anyway. Arghargh! Impossible situation.
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