Being Gay in Japan

Japan is an extremely advanced society in several ways: it leads the world in robotics technology (I think), they have a very modern (mostly) and efficient public transport system, their toilets are space age … (mostly). So in many ways they are developing on a level ahead of other modern societies.

However, there is a significant number of aspects to Japanese society that is way behind, say, the UK. Homosexuality is a huge issue which demonstrates well, the backwardness of Japan.

I was in my usual 4 o`clock Wednesday English conversation class with the home economics teacher (Yumi – 40) and her very young looking assistant (… - 31). Both are very typical Japanese women, fitting the kawaii stereotype of Japanese women that I have described before. Their home economics room is full of pink, girly things, perfumed air. Little lace mats cover the table. Pretty blankets and soft pink things are around the place. They are typical Japanese women. The only aspect which is unusual about them is that they are not married. I wonder if they worry about this. Because certainly, the level of worry from their their parents generation about lack of husbands is always present I have gathered (from my numerous dealings with old women!).

Yumi wants to improve her spoken English, and she did initiate this weekly conversation class that we have. It is a bit of an effort for me – I`m not being paid. But I suppose I am happy to do it. They give me a perfect Christmas present. And give me nice biscuits and cakes and things, and we`ve become friends I suppose. So that is my payment. After a busy Wednesday, sometimes it`s tiring, but I see it as a sort of replacement for a club activity – which I do not do.

Anyway, last week, we got on to the subject of my holiday to Okinawa. I had just booked it 2 days before. They enquired who I was going with, and I said my friend Andrew – a boy who was a friend, not a boyfriend. To provide extra clarification because I wasn`t sure that they had grasped that subtle difference, I said he was gay.

I was not at all prepared for the huge exclamations of shock and amazement that preceded to follow in the next hour.

“Gay!!!????” Yumi said, in a VERY incredulous, quite loud voice. They were both SO shocked, and SO surprised. I can hardly describe how shocked they were. They were giggling like little girls, embarrassed almost. I was so amazed by their reaction that I was keen to talk about it more, and find out more about their opinions. They were keen to talk about it too, because homosexuality, according to them, is something that is never talked about, or occurs in any Japanese circles, outside of Kabuki-cho (the gay district of Tokyo).

So I immediately decided to tell them about my circle of 6 closest friends at home, in which there was 2 homosexual relationships – 1 lesbian couple, and 1 gay couple.

Yumi and … just didn`t believe it! They thought I was having a big joke with them. It was so way out of the norm for the, and I had to reiterate and emphasise many, many times before they believed I was telling the truth. Obviously, I think my situation does deviate from the norm. But most people, I would say, have 1 gay friend. In Japan though, this is DEFINITELY not the case.

They were expressing so much shock, that I was incredulous at them, to an equal level. Then Yumi said, “oh, I wish I had a gay friend. It would be so much fun. They are so beautiful, and it would be so much fun”.
I was a bit confused by this and asked her further. I mean, I know a lot of people who are gay, and they certainly aren`t more beautiful, or more fun than the rest of the population.

It turned out, that both Yumi and …`s view was that a gay person, was what I would call, a transvestite. They thought that all gay men dressed up as women, they thought that all gay men wore makeup. (I didn`t actually ask them what was their expectation of a lesbian – perhaps they hadn`t ever considered this question before).

I quickly went on to explain no, no, no this wasn`t the case at ALL. I explained about my gay friend who works as a teacher in a senior school in England. (“He works as a teacher??!!! Shockshockshock!), about my gay friends who work for charities. Yumi and … could hardly believe that that there were gay people working in normal, regular jobs. Until I kept re-emphasising that the men wore normal clothes like other men, and they didn`t wear makeup.

After all of this explanation of homosexuality, I was keen to find out about the Japanese view of homosexuality. Was their view typical? Yes, it was. Most Japanese would think like this they said. I was amazed. Because up until that afternoon I had just assumed the situation of homosexuality was the same as in the UK (but without the problem of over-zealous Christians – so perhaps even more open than the UK). In my Japanese ALT community the situation is the same as I find it back at home – there is a couple of gay men in the group (and a transvestite actually). All the 20 something, 30 something Japanese that we hang out with know that Andrew is gay. It`s totally normal, just like in England. Andrew has a semi-relationship with a Japanese guy, and I think Daryle has in the past too. So I had just assumed it was the same.

But, I think that this experience of my Hitachi and ALT community is different from mainstream Japanese society. Perhaps because they hang out with foreigners, so therefore are not typical.

Yumi was obviously familiar with the word gay. Which was obviously used in Japanese. But she also told me about the Japanese word for gay, which literally translates as “sistermans”. (Mans is an incoreect form of men).

Sistermen. So that goes some way to account for why they think that all gay men look like women.
How did they know about homosexuality in Japan I asked. Seeing as it was clear from these women that represented that vast majority of Japanese society at least their age and above, that they hadn`t encountered any homosexual people in their day-to-day life.

Homosexuality doesn`t exist in Hitachi, it wouldn`t exist anywhere in local places like this, they said. Their only knowledge of homosexual culture comes from the TV. Homosexuality in Japan only really exists in Tokyo. In the gay district of Tokyo, Kabuki-cho. They know that gay bars exist – but only really there.
Once you are outside of Tokyo gay people cease to exist in Japan. I raised the word hidden, to account for the situation outside of Tokyo. But they were skeptical that there could be more than a really tiny number of gay people that lived outside of Tokyo, in these “local” places.

(I often find that Japanese people use the word local to describe non-city, country areas – it must be an incorrect translation to English of the Japanese use of the word local to also describe rural areas).
I`m sure it`s the same the world over. Cities are more cosmopolitan than country villages, cities are more ahead in terms of the development of new trends, views, fashions, what`s acceptable, and the countryside is more conservative and traditionalist. So, this is clearly the situation here.
Gay people aren`t openly gay (if they exist at all – according to Yumi and …) in local places like Hitachi. But the significant point is though, that Hitachi City, isn`t exactly a local place! It really is a big town/ sprawling settlement. But Yumi and … were quite adamant. There would be no openly gay people here. No teacher at Taga could ever be gay (heeheehee!! – Y and …).

It`s interesting to think about this. I`m sure it will change in the future. Japanese society is interesting because it is in many ways extremely liberal. No fundamental religions, an acceptance of porn that is present in the mainstream, but yet ignored by the most of the mainstream. So, in a way, I am surprised that being openly gay hasn`t made it beyond kabuki-cho in Tokyo. However, all 3 of us did think that this change would surely come in the next 10 years or so.

Japan – is it advanced, or behind us? Maybe the answer is that it depends on the area. It is Tokyo that is advanced in it`s open-mindedness. Gay culture is evident there. It is beyond Tokyo where you get all the conservativism – the little old women staring at you if you dare eat on the train, the men in their 1980s style glasses. Maybe the answer is also generational. Yumi and … are 40 and 31 respectively. My ALT friends and their gay Japanese friends (who happen to live near Tokyo fyi) – that would also account for the differing experience of gay culture in Japan. The difference between the metropolis of Tokyo and the rest of Japan, is huge. There is so much more individualism in Tokyo. The fast pace of the city. It is a world away from Ibaraki. And universes away from actual isolated country-bumpkin places in Japan.

But other big cities won`t be too far behind Tokyo I shouldn`t think. In Sapporo we went to a transvestite show. I found it interesting to look at the other audience members there. Regular office men and women I think. People Yumi`s age, I suppose. I wonder if these transvestites were their only experience and knowledge of the gay community in Japan too.

I wonder what it`s like to be unsure if you are gay or not if you live in the local places of Japan. What must you think of yourself if you find yourself fancying people of the same sex as you, but having no inclination to want to dress up as a girl. There is no presence in open society of anyone really like you. So you stay hidden I guess. Just like the olden days…
I felt I understood something more about Japan then. And Yumi did too! She said she was reallt culture shocked by my stories, to find out about the open gay culture in England (…well it`s all relative to Japan!)